I'll never buy another cell from Amazon again

I'll start off by stating that I have been an Amazon Prime customer since forever. I have an Amazon Chase credit card. I have never once abused the return process. Yet, the shabby treatment I was given by Amazon after when I tried to return a Samsung cell phone (because it was awful) says I'll never buy another cell phone from Amazon again.

Replacing the old LG v40

I've owned a bunch of cell phones in my life as a marketing exec and all-round techno geek. From early bricks to candy bars to the venerable Motorola StarTac, you name it, I've had it. I was even a member of the Samsung ecosystem for three years with a Galaxy Tab and a Galaxy phone.

So the time came for me to replace my old flagship LG V40 ThinQ (gee thanks LG for orphaning all your cell phones by closing the biz down). Anyway, I'm pretty committed to Android so I did my due diligence and researched the hell out of available models. Given my mediocre eyesight, I needed something with a decent sized screen.

I considered everything in the non-uber flagship category including the Pixel 7, Pixel 7 Pro, Pixel 8, Samsung Galaxy 23 & 22 (all models), OnePlus 11, etc., etc. The one phone that seemed to stand out for value and features was the Samsung Galaxy 23 FE (Fan Edition). Big screen, decent processor, good reviews. So I see a deal on Amazon for the phone including a $100 gift card that was lower than buying from Samsung direct. (Yes, Amazon was both seller and shipper.) Order the phone and 2 days later, it shows up on my doorstep. (A bit disturbing that Amazon doesn't require signature proof of delivery but will just leave a $600 package lying on your porch.)

Samsung Galaxy 23FE Sux

Literally after 4 days of using the phone, my hand hurt from holding it. The sharp aluminum frame made it an ergonomic disaster. To top it off, I remembered why I gave up on Samsung years ago -- you end up with bloatware and non-Google versions of apps that don't really do much more than the apps they replace. Calendar, Messaging, Contacts, etc. all end up in the Samsung ecosystem which doesn't always play nice with Google's online stuff, To top things off, the cameras were underwhelming at best. My LG v40 did a better job and with less twiddly fiddly stuff. All said and done, it was just a very awkward phone and definitely not something I could live with. (And no, I couldn't find an in-store version to try out.)

The nightmare begins

OK, so I decide to return the phone and get my coin back. Call Amazon just to make sure I'm doing the return correctly since I've never sent anything valued at 6 bills back. Very perky and nice person from some far-off country says no problem, we'll take care of this right away and she issues my return. Feeling reasonably good, I reset the phone to factory and pack it up documenting the boxing. Interestingly enough, Amazon does NOT accept cell phone returns at their big huge Hub Center located about 2 miles from my house. Nope, it has to go to UPS. OK that seems weird but whatever. 

So I drop the phone off at UPS on 11/9/23 and get the usual scanned receipt and tracking code. A few days later, I start checking the return status thinking I should see something. Nada. No record of dropping off, nothing. Finally on 11/15 I call Amazon up to see what the return status was. Another CSR from a far-off land tells me in broken English that they show the record of the phone having been dropped off. Whew. But it still doesn't show that on my client side return status.

Another week goes by and nothing has changed on the return. Still no credit. I call Amazon again. CSR (from far-off land) says oh we still haven't received it at our return processing center. WHAT?? Your return center is in Las Vegas, I'm in California! That's a 2-day truck ride tops! "Sorry sir. I will put in a manual request for update." Now I'm getting nervous since I'm going on a 3-week vacation out of the USA and don't want this hanging over my head.

The day before I leave for vacation on 12/2, I call Amazoo again to check the status. Now the far-off CSR says yes they received it (supposedly on 11/18 but my tracking shows they actually got it on 11/15) but it will take 30-days to process. Uh, no, that's not what your other CSRs AND your automated emails say. They say within 5 - 7 days of receipt followed by another 5 - 7 days for financial institution to process credit. CSR then sends me a totally different email from the automated ones that now says 30 DAYS from receipt. WTF? Even after sending Amazon screen shots of their OWN texts updating the return and chat conversations saying 5 - 7 days, this last CSR sticks to his guns on 30 days from their recorded receipt.

The final straw

Now I'm gone for three weeks and can't do anything until I get back to the US which I do on 12/16. Once again, I call Amazon from Galveston with the "where's my refund" bit. "I'm sorry sir but it hasn't been 30 days." Uh yes it has. My tracking shows you got it on 11/15, here's the UPS tracking #, check it yourself. "Yes sir but it was not received into our system until 11/18." Clenching my jaw and growling, I wait the extra 3 days and call Amazon back on 12/18". This time, the far-off CSR finally admits, oh yes, I see we are actually at 33 days. I will put in a manual request for the refund." And she does. And the refund finally shows up on my VISA dated 12/18.

Final observations

To me, this was just an easy way for Amazon to hold onto $600 for 45 days (clock starting on 11/9 when I dropped it off at UPS). In the days of low interest rates, 45 days at 1% isn't much. Now, 45 days at 6% float is an extra $3, which, over literally hundreds of millions of transactions that Amazon processes, can actually add up. The other major irritation in all this were the emails and texts giving me false hope on refund processing time.

What do I think happened?

I'm guessing someone inside Amazon's return center is now enjoying their free Samsung Galaxy 23FE and Amazon strung me out hoping I'd go away.