I'll never buy another cell from Amazon again

I'll start off by stating that I have been an Amazon Prime customer since forever. I have an Amazon Chase credit card. I have never once abused the return process. Yet, the shabby treatment I was given by Amazon after when I tried to return a Samsung cell phone (because it was awful) says I'll never buy another cell phone from Amazon again.

Replacing the old LG v40

I've owned a bunch of cell phones in my life as a marketing exec and all-round techno geek. From early bricks to candy bars to the venerable Motorola StarTac, you name it, I've had it. I was even a member of the Samsung ecosystem for three years with a Galaxy Tab and a Galaxy phone.

So the time came for me to replace my old flagship LG V40 ThinQ (gee thanks LG for orphaning all your cell phones by closing the biz down). Anyway, I'm pretty committed to Android so I did my due diligence and researched the hell out of available models. Given my mediocre eyesight, I needed something with a decent sized screen.

I considered everything in the non-uber flagship category including the Pixel 7, Pixel 7 Pro, Pixel 8, Samsung Galaxy 23 & 22 (all models), OnePlus 11, etc., etc. The one phone that seemed to stand out for value and features was the Samsung Galaxy 23 FE (Fan Edition). Big screen, decent processor, good reviews. So I see a deal on Amazon for the phone including a $100 gift card that was lower than buying from Samsung direct. (Yes, Amazon was both seller and shipper.) Order the phone and 2 days later, it shows up on my doorstep. (A bit disturbing that Amazon doesn't require signature proof of delivery but will just leave a $600 package lying on your porch.)

Samsung Galaxy 23FE Sux

Literally after 4 days of using the phone, my hand hurt from holding it. The sharp aluminum frame made it an ergonomic disaster. To top it off, I remembered why I gave up on Samsung years ago -- you end up with bloatware and non-Google versions of apps that don't really do much more than the apps they replace. Calendar, Messaging, Contacts, etc. all end up in the Samsung ecosystem which doesn't always play nice with Google's online stuff, To top things off, the cameras were underwhelming at best. My LG v40 did a better job and with less twiddly fiddly stuff. All said and done, it was just a very awkward phone and definitely not something I could live with. (And no, I couldn't find an in-store version to try out.)

The nightmare begins

OK, so I decide to return the phone and get my coin back. Call Amazon just to make sure I'm doing the return correctly since I've never sent anything valued at 6 bills back. Very perky and nice person from some far-off country says no problem, we'll take care of this right away and she issues my return. Feeling reasonably good, I reset the phone to factory and pack it up documenting the boxing. Interestingly enough, Amazon does NOT accept cell phone returns at their big huge Hub Center located about 2 miles from my house. Nope, it has to go to UPS. OK that seems weird but whatever. 

So I drop the phone off at UPS on 11/9/23 and get the usual scanned receipt and tracking code. A few days later, I start checking the return status thinking I should see something. Nada. No record of dropping off, nothing. Finally on 11/15 I call Amazon up to see what the return status was. Another CSR from a far-off land tells me in broken English that they show the record of the phone having been dropped off. Whew. But it still doesn't show that on my client side return status.

Another week goes by and nothing has changed on the return. Still no credit. I call Amazon again. CSR (from far-off land) says oh we still haven't received it at our return processing center. WHAT?? Your return center is in Las Vegas, I'm in California! That's a 2-day truck ride tops! "Sorry sir. I will put in a manual request for update." Now I'm getting nervous since I'm going on a 3-week vacation out of the USA and don't want this hanging over my head.

The day before I leave for vacation on 12/2, I call Amazoo again to check the status. Now the far-off CSR says yes they received it (supposedly on 11/18 but my tracking shows they actually got it on 11/15) but it will take 30-days to process. Uh, no, that's not what your other CSRs AND your automated emails say. They say within 5 - 7 days of receipt followed by another 5 - 7 days for financial institution to process credit. CSR then sends me a totally different email from the automated ones that now says 30 DAYS from receipt. WTF? Even after sending Amazon screen shots of their OWN texts updating the return and chat conversations saying 5 - 7 days, this last CSR sticks to his guns on 30 days from their recorded receipt.

The final straw

Now I'm gone for three weeks and can't do anything until I get back to the US which I do on 12/16. Once again, I call Amazon from Galveston with the "where's my refund" bit. "I'm sorry sir but it hasn't been 30 days." Uh yes it has. My tracking shows you got it on 11/15, here's the UPS tracking #, check it yourself. "Yes sir but it was not received into our system until 11/18." Clenching my jaw and growling, I wait the extra 3 days and call Amazon back on 12/18". This time, the far-off CSR finally admits, oh yes, I see we are actually at 33 days. I will put in a manual request for the refund." And she does. And the refund finally shows up on my VISA dated 12/18.

Final observations

To me, this was just an easy way for Amazon to hold onto $600 for 45 days (clock starting on 11/9 when I dropped it off at UPS). In the days of low interest rates, 45 days at 1% isn't much. Now, 45 days at 6% float is an extra $3, which, over literally hundreds of millions of transactions that Amazon processes, can actually add up. The other major irritation in all this were the emails and texts giving me false hope on refund processing time.

What do I think happened?

I'm guessing someone inside Amazon's return center is now enjoying their free Samsung Galaxy 23FE and Amazon strung me out hoping I'd go away.

Stupid Amazon reviews, search and other gripes

I was searching for a 15' Display Port (or DisplayPort) to HDMI conversion cable on Amazoo recently and wow, talk about a minefield. Seems like a fixed 5% of the reviews, no matter whose product, will be 1-star. No 2-star reviews. A bunch of 3's and then, mostly 4 & 5. Some of them are entertaining to the point of comedy.

What gripes me is that so many people try to use a product for a non-intended purpose and then trash the product for not performing up to expectations. Such is the case with DP to HDMI cables. ALL the product descriptions clearly state these cables are ONE-WAY. They take a DP signal OUT from a source (laptop, game console, etc.) and convert it to HDMI which goes INTO a display device (monitor, TV). Yet, you still have people who try to plug the cable into the DP on the TV or monitor and plug the HDMI end into their laptop (usually a Mac...are Apple users that bad at reading?). Bang, instant bad review "defective cable, doesn't work."

Amazon search needs improving

We can all be stupid at times, right? In my case, it's not paying 100% attention to search results that include "sponsored" results. 95% of the time, the "sponsored" results are NOT what I'm looking for. In the case of DP to HDMI, almost ALL the sponsored results were for HDMI to HDMI cables. Yeah great specs but not what I needed.

Anyway, I put a 15 foot Amazon Basics DP to HDMI cable into my cart and then Amazoo started prompting me to get free overnight delivery by adding another $13 to my order.

Thinking I was getting a different DP to HDMI cable, I blithely put a "sponsored" cable from "PowerBear" into the cart. Got the PB cable with the Amazon cable and noted immediately that it was HDMI to HDMI. Did they ship me the wrong one? Nope. The "sponsored" listing was so filled with buzz words and verbiage that it obfuscated the straight HDMI. Sigh. That will teach me to order shit after two adult beverages.

The good news is the Amazon Basics cable seems to work for my application which is to extend the screen of an old HP laptop onto my Toshiba 1080p TV for karaoke lyrics. But again, 5% of the reviews think this cable is junk, defective, fattening, immoral and causes herpes.

Somehow, Amazon needs to figure out how to leave out "sponsored" results that don't apply to the search at hand. I'm guessing companies are paying for the keywords: HDMI, cable, adapter. Even though their products don't do Display Port, you get those anyway. (Note that using + as Display+Port helps reduce the noise but you still end up with wonkiness.)

Clothing search

My other gripe is clothing searches. I realize that Amazon can only load up what a seller says about their products but you'd THINK we could get better standardized sizing. ALL men's pants should have specifications for WAIST and INSEAM. Instead, it's a mashup of varying specs that make searching for a particular size almost impossible. You want something with a 32" waist and 29" inseam (aka SHORT), you simply can't do it. Put in the keyword "SHORT" and of course you get Men's Shorts. put in "29 inseam" and you get any listing with the number 29 and random things from "inseam".

Why can't Amazon take some cues from the big online clothing retailers (LL Bean, Land's End, etc.) and design a proper sizing / tagging system?

Amazon now charging to return Prime items

I have been a Prime member since forever and almost always buy items marked Prime eligible because returns have been no hassle and no charge. Until today.

For the first time EVER, I went to return two out of three items (a small messenger bag and a tote). The reason for the return? "Style not as expected" In one case, the bag was unsuited for a laptop because it wasn't padded on the bottom. In the other, it was just super awkward to use.

So I was pretty much blown away when I got to the finalize return page and it showed an $8.03 return shipping charge. WTH? I didn't click through and immediately contacted Amazon Customer Service via online chat.

While in the end, the CS rep put through a manual return without the return shipping charge, my experience was a huge step down from previous contacts with Amazon. First, the rep said it was a re-stocking fee, not a shipping charge. What?? Nope it said SHIPPING on the page. Second, the rep never answered my question about how one would know about the charge in advance. He (Steven S.) simply pasted a link to Amazon's general return policies. And finally when I AGAIN tried to get a further explanation about how to figure things out in the future, he simply LEFT CHAT leaving me hanging.

After this episode, just to double-check, I went to Amazon's help pages and looked for info on returns and couldn't find anything specific that dealt with Prime and shipping charges on returns.

After posting my story on Facebook tonight, I immediately got 3 replies from friends who have recently had the same thing happen to them AND had never had it happen before. One friend commented that Amazon customer service has gone downhill in general. She noted when items are delayed in shipping (the famous "Order now and get it by xx/xx/xx"), Amazon no longer compensates in some way. They simply say "check with us in a few days".

 Relaying my experience on Twitter got this response from Amazon:

This sucks and nowhere has Amazon informed its customers up front that they're now doing this. So I predict a few things will happen:

• Customers will do far less shopping on "spec" items or where they're not sure about the quality, fit, color or finish.
• Any returns that aren't "free returns" will be "defective" in some respect.
• Prime members may reconsider paying $120/year for "free" shipping.
• More shopping will be done at retailers like Staples, Wal-Mart or Best Buy where you can return items no charge at a physical store.

This just seems stupidly short sighted by Amazon.  As always, comments welcome.